Opinions and Choices

Weighty and bold. Subtle and light. Friendly and intimidating. Like everything else, there is a huge spectrum. Some opinions matter, some don't. Some choices change everything, some just change what you eat for dinner.  Some opinions are offered in an off-handed way, never expecting to make any impact but end up stuck in another person's memory forever. Some choices seem insignificant, but change the course of events in ways you would never predict.  Of course, it's not all topsy-turvy, some decisions are painstakingly weighed, and more or less, the events that follow take shape in the generally predicted way. And some opinions are given with care, and considered appropriately.

I've been thinking a lot lately though, about the tactless or judgmental opinions that are volleyed about --by family members, by friends/neighbors, by coworkers -- regarding appearance, college majors, sports performances, careers, relationships, cars, lifestyle... The list goes on.  I'm not sure if the expressed opinions which contain negativity and judgment are tools for control, or a way to express inner unhappiness (e.g, misery loves company-- if I'm miserable you should be too)-- or both. At any rate, when expressed opinions have morphed away from the realm of constructive, it's time to consider what the value is and how damaging the consequences can be-- insecurity, stress, rebellion, depression...

And I've been thinking about Society with its 'norms'.  Society which has a tendency to simplify life and present complicated issues as black or white. Society which seems to relegate decisions into right or wrong, good or bad.  But life isn't simple; virtue is relative. There are a million shades of gray.  Maybe we need a reminder now and then.  Perhaps people could consider holding their tongues more, when all they are offering is negativity or judgment in their opinions.  Perhaps people could give themselves a break-- be kinder to themselves, too.  Be braver. Allow themselves to deviate from the norm to find happiness, if that's what it takes.  To make choices based on who they are, not who others want them to be.  To make choices based on where they want to go in life, what they want to do, what's healthy for them.  Not based on what their parents always dreamed they would do. Not based on a competition with their siblings. Not based on what their friends or neighbors think is acceptable. Not based on what Society has on its current list of "should be" or "should have"... Not to make choices based on fear or intimidation.  Life has enough challenges without adding this kind of pressure to it.  Each of us comes from a different background, has had different life experiences-- so the choices we make to get to a 'happy place' are going to be different. It would be nice if we could all remind ourselves of that a little more often. Choices will always contain risk, and always have effects, but maybe we could get to that 'happy place' faster and help each other get there too, if we refrained from judgment and negativity a little more often.  I think we'd all be better off in society if we could support each other in a variety life choices--whether they are easy or tough, trivial or serious-- to find a way to feed into the inertia of positive energy.

That's not to say that we should all go around agreeing with everyone else's choices all of the time. Or not speak up when when we have a difference of opinion or different point of view. It's just a reminder to think about what your opinion is offering, and how it is being offered.  If it's just negativity, think twice about sharing it. If you're about to carelessly cast judgment, before you do, remember you might not have all the information. 

Kindness matters. And we could all use a little more of it in our lives.